Fine Again
by You're All So Vacant
Summary: Nothing's okay, and Severus and Harry are determined to get to Lucius and Draco, not matter what the suicide ward does to stop them. DM/HP, SS/LM, though it does have HP/SS slash. Note, the only sex is HP/SS. Please read and review.


**A/N- This is Drarry, and Luciverus (which is what I'm calling Severus/Lucius), though there is Severus/Harry. It's based on three songs, and I might add a small sequel, with slash for the actual couples if people want it. **

**Fine Again**

_It seems like every day's the same, and I'm left to discover on my own.  
…There's no colour to behold.  
…Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here.  
They say it's over and I'm fine again.  
…I feel the dream in me expire…  
I am aware now of how everything's gonna be fine, one day too late. _

_{Fine Again, Seether}_

Harry lifted the knife, and pressed it softly against his throat, checking the angle in the long bathroom mirror. It was a Muggle method, so he hoped that it would go undetected.

He smiled at his reflection, hoping that once he'd past over to the next world, whatever that was, he wouldn't look so ill.

The Gryffindor was well-aware that he was depressed, drunk and suicidal, long before St Mungo's had informed him of the fact. And Draco would be angry if his boyfriend returned to him, looking bloody awful. Well, firstly, he would be angry that Harry had joined him at all, but after that he would be criticising his appearance.

He now had a mantra, a routine for his attempts to join Draco. He made a small cut across his scar –which always healed itself, leaving the original lightning bolt, whenever he failed-, stroked the tattoo of Draco's name that rested, surrounded by swirly lines and leaves on his hip, and swallowed a vial of pretty useless dreamless sleep potion.

Then he kissed his one photograph of Draco, the one he himself had taken on the day that they first kissed, the day that Draco had been forced to take the mark.

The picture hurt. A lot. He could not look at it for any length of time without crying, and he felt tears running down his face as the hand with the knife went back to his neck, than lifted off, before he hit it against the skin, and dragged it, as hard as he could.

He looked back at the mirror, which showed the res liquid flowing freely from his body. The Gryffindor let out a genuine smile as he watched his blood leave his body.

_Draco, I hope I see you. I hope you're the first thing I see. I hope you still want me, even though I'm weak. _

He had very nearly blacked out when his fucking St Mungo's ordered bracelet vibrated, letting him know he was being transported to the hospital.

He let out an anguished cry, gurgling on blood, helpless to do anything but dream. He only had one dream left, and that involved him being dead.

As always, he woke up in the usual bed, the one situated in the back left corner of the suicide ward; he was starting to think they'd actually reserved that bed, just for him.

Healer Maria smiled down at him, as if it was _good _to see him alive. He glared back at her, though it seemed to have no effect.

_When was the woman going to work out that this wasn't going to save him? That this wasn't __how__ he wanted to be saved?_

"Hello, Harry. How are you feeling?" He rolled his eyes. She always meant that as in _are you in any physical pain_ but he didn't know why.

He had just slashed his own throat. Clearly, he wasn't bothered about physical pain.

"I'm feeling fucking awful. Every time I think I've escaped, one of you horrible, evil beings brings me back. Why don't you just let me die in peace?"

She reached out and patted his hand, as if he just needed a bit of human contact. He refrained from snarling, but only just. He didn't like to be touched. Since Draco's death, the healers had been the only people to do so, and they seemed to think he _needed_ it.

"You'll be okay, dear. We removed all the toxins from your system, and altered everything a little so you shouldn't get alcohol withdrawal symptoms."

She spoke as if he were stupid, didn't tell him what they had actually done, and made it seem like he wanted to stop drinking.

That couldn't be further from the truth. Drinking was the only thing that ever fucking helped.

"You'll be fine, Harry. You know that, you just need to calm down and adjust. You're don 't really want to die. It might feel like it, but you don't."

His glare intensified.

"I've been here, in this bed, forty-three times in four months. And you tell me I don't fucking want to die?"

His voice rose, and other patients looked over at him. He ignored them; he reckoned that since the war had finished, these guys probably weren't here for trivial reasons. They had probably lost someone too, and felt what he did.

He didn't care if people like that heard. At least there would be some understanding.

"You don't, dear. You just thought that everything would be as you planned it to be, and it all changed a bit too fast."

"I lost my reason to live a bit too fast. Now, I'm only going to be okay if he is here. Can you bring him back?" He shook his head. "I thought not."

"Now, I know you cared about…Draco." Her voice changed from motherly to that of a psychologist, and it wasn't any improvement.

The patient in the bed opposite [Harry wouldn't look up to see who it was] made a small hurt cry, possibly of empathy, as Harry's face turned pained, and he screamed harshly before he began to cry.

"Don't you dare say his name, you bitch! That's all I fucking have, the bloody name! What gives you that right!" He knew he wasn't making too much sense, that he sounded insane, and did not care.

She reached for him, possibly attempting a hug, and Harry stuck out, hitting her arm. Hard. He didn't care that he had just hit a woman; she knew he wanted to be left alone. She knew that bringing up Draco was a bad idea. She knew he wanted to die.

And she kept burdening him with her presence, spoke of his dead boyfriend, and wouldn't let him die in peace. He did not care what people would think of that hit.

She smiled at him again, this time fake sadly.

"If you keep that up, you'll end up here for a whole month, just like Mr Snape opposite you. He's been well-behaved, and is leaving today."

She nodded over at the other bed. _Snape was there?_

Harry wondered about why he would be there, for all of about four seconds. Then he remembered the look on Severus's face when that 'Avada Kedavra' was uttered, the one that killed Lucius.

He remembered how the Slytherin had run to his partner, intent on catching him before he hit the ground, and managed. Lucius was already dead.

The angry blast of magic that had escaped the potions master had killed six death eaters. It had also killed one Auror that had been too close, but Harry couldn't really blame him for that.

The man had been distraught, and still was, since he was lying opposite Harry.

_You just stand there, I could say so much, but I don't go there 'cause I don't want to.  
Well I was thinking if you were lonely, maybe we could leave here and no-one would know._

…_And everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout somebody else._

_[Back 2 Good- Matchbox Twenty]_

He knocked on the door of the house in Spinners end. It had been three days since they had both been released, and in those three days, they had sent messages by owl, planning.

Severus had the same band as Harry, but they only worked with suicide.

The Slytherin opened the door, silently allowing Harry into his house. Harry nodded, but said nothing, simply walking through the hallway to the nearest room.

In the small, strangely-laid-out building, this was Severus's bedroom. They stood there, eyes locked, until they moved towards each other, kissing emotionlessly.

It felt good, but detached, like they were already gone.

And they were, both imagining blondes with grey eyes.

Severus kissed slightly harder, before stepping back completely. Harry nodded again, then went to stand on the other side of the bed, and they undressed quietly, folding their clothes neatly, before facing each other again.

They both climbed onto the bed, meeting halfway, methodical. This was convenience. They were both going to escape, together, and the stupid 'tags' on them would see nothing but two people, seeking solace.

No. They just wanted to pretend they were with their lovers, here on earth, just once before they died.

Neither was too optimistic about the afterlife existing, and if it didn't, they would be damned if they didn't do this for themselves.

Harry placed himself on all fours, so he didn't have to watch Severus take him. He could pretend it was his gorgeous blonde boyfriend, who snuggled close after sex, and hated people using crass words when it came to relationships.

He thought about Draco, and though the long, hard stroke of Severus entering and leaving him, rhythmic, was pleasurable, he _was_ thinking of Draco, and that made him think of the one time that they'd had sex in that position.

That hadn't done it again, because Draco said it made him feel horrible, like he was treating Harry as if he were a whore.

He had thought Draco was being far too sensitive, but hadn't pushed it.

Tears welled up, spilling over noiselessly. He couldn't help it, when everything, absolutely everything, made him wish Draco was alive.

_Well he's not, so your only choice is to follow after him._

Severus automatically reached for long blond tresses, and his heart clenched painfully when his fingers ran across bare skin, reminding him that Lucius wasn't there.

It was easy to pretend, when everything was in his head. But he had reached out, physically, and what he wanted wasn't there.

Severus blinked, and the closing of his eyes knocked out a few tears that had been blurring his vision.

The tightening around his cock was the only thing that told him when Harry had climaxed. They were both still silent, and it stayed that way as Severus followed after the younger man.

He picked himself up off of the Gryffindor almost straight afterwards, sexually sated, but lacking the languorous happiness he got after making love with Lucius.

He and Harry were just going through the motions, in case after they fell asleep, they didn't wake up with their respective Malfoys.

They got dressed again, facing opposite directions, and Severus then walked to the adjoining bathrooms, coming back holding two vials of colourless liquid.

_Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep, I'm tired, and I, I want to go to bed.  
Don't try to wake me in the morning, I will be gone.  
..I don't want to wake up, on my own anymore.  
…Don't feel bad for me, I want you to know, deep in the cell of my heart, I really want to go._

_[Asleep- The Smiths]_

Harry walked over to him, and took hold of one of the vials. Severus held out his arm, and Harry linked his own with it, so they crossed at the elbow.

For the first time that night, Severus broke the silence.

"Ready?"

Harry nodded, and lifted the vial in his hand to Severus's mouth. Severus lifted his own to Harry's and they held eye-contact as they counted down.

"Three, two, one."

They each swallowed the potion the other person offered, at the same time.

The potion was fast acting, the fastest Severus could make, and in giving it to each other, it was Euthanasia, not suicide.

They hoped that would be enough.

They both fell to the floor, shaking, and the bracelets did nothing. Severus's face relaxed as he waited to die, whilst Harry smiled.

Everything went black.

The next thing Harry saw was a train station.

It was misty, and there were no trains, but he somehow knew which way to walk. On and on, the line seemed nearly never ending, and he was nearly ready to admit defeat, when the road forked.

"That way." A familiar voice uttered.

He turned to see Severus about ten paces behind, and figured he had taken a little longer to die. Not long, but a little longer.

He was pointing to the left, and Harry followed his gaze.

"How do you know?"

"I just do." Harry figured he knew that the same way that he had known which way to go in the beginning, and simply started walking left.

This road was short, and at the end, everything vanished.

The ended up inside a building, in front of a door.

Harry tentatively pushed it open a crack, and his heart jumped a mile.

He could see _Draco_. Sat at a table, drinking tea with his father.

He shoved the door out of the way, and ran into the room, straight towards his boyfriend. Draco ran to greet him, but frowned.

"I can't believe you spent two months in _bed_ then another four trying to get _here_. That was horrible to watch." He embraced Harry tightly, and Harry wrapped his arms around his blonde lover.

He was starting to cry again, but this time, he could feel Draco's tears on his shoulder.

He pulled back, about to apologise for everything, and was interrupted by Draco pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"Apologise, and I will hit you." He kissed him again, deeper, his tongue flicking out to touch Harry's.

He had missed this for six months. Six months, and now it was heaven.

Severus smiled at Lucius, with his hair down, cascading over his shoulders, and his soft grey Muggle jumper that Severus was rather fond of.

It made the other Slytherin seem so _cuddly_. He walked over to him, slowly than two younger couple had, deliberately, and met his lovely blonde lover at the table.

He sat on his lap, the way they used to, despite how odd it looked, at leaned down to kiss Lucius, lightly, the way he always did when they had both just gotten home from work.

This was _perfect_, and he was perfectly happy to do it forever.

**A/N- I didn't really know what couple to set this as, I might change it with another chapter if I add another. **


End file.
